Another day, another dilemma I dream up in my head. This past weekend I had a huge event that I planned and implemented for my job. I was and still am utterly exhausted; mentally and physically. My job is not something I’m happy with. I feel like I am wasting my potential and talents at a place where my creativity and ideas are not celebrated or wanted. I had been dreading this past weekend for months!
So, yesterday I decided to de-stress and do some Halloween shopping with my best friend. We were driving and out of nowhere I just sad, “Why do we stay here? Why are we even here?” The full force of those words and the realization struck me hard. I am in a place where I travel 30+ minutes a day to go to a job where I’m unhappy and not using the college degree I worked my ass off for. I have hopes and aspirations and dreams that are what keeps me going every day. Am I in the right place to get these dreams started? Am I preventing myself from happiness? I looked at my friend and quoted an old inspirational quote photo I had seen once, “If we don’t like where we are, we can always get up and go, we are not a tree.”
I’ve always felt like I was meant for bigger things. I’ve always worked hard, and I believe my hard work will be rewarded. All these thoughts and ideas are being pent up and building in my head. Sometimes, it gets to overwhelming I don’t even know where to begin. I want to change things and begin going after these dreams, but that takes so much courage! I admire people who are courageous, and I need to learn to swallow my fears and go for it! The thought of this, taking that leap, scares the hell out of me; but I am pleased to say that I HAVE started going after these dreams! I took the leap of faith and reached out about pursuing my journalism dream.
I am not a tree. I have the power to do what my heart desires. If I choose to stay; I will bloom where I’m planted, but I am not a tree. I have options. I have ideas and dreams that deserve to be celebrated and enjoyed. Please remember, you are not a tree, you are not stuck. I believe in you to do what you want to do and to enjoy every damn minute of it!
Here lately there’s been a few songs on repeat on my phone. Music is one of my escapes and without it I would’ve been dead a long time ago. Lyrics and melodies have always resonated with me. I can truly lose myself in a song and listen to it fifty times in a row and still find myself remaining absorbed into it.
One of these songs is Wide Eyed by Billy Lockett. There’s something about the soft piano and bass along with his amazing vocals. The first line of the song explains how we’re used to making everything up on our own and we don’t listen….we just do. As the song goes on his vocals get stronger and more pronounced showing the strength he’s getting from getting his feelings out and by the end of the song my inspiration is soaring! We always say we want to make changes; but implementing them is one of the hardest steps any of us can take. This song makes me realize I HAVE to be braver and be willing to take risks to get where I want to go with life.
Another song that’s an oldie but goodie is All The Same by Sick Puppies. I was obsessed with this song when I first heard it years ago and still when it comes on I can’t change it. I realize that by looking at the lyrics; it’s explaining the same things I get from Wide Eyed. We do the same thing, we say things will change, but we accept that we’ll never truly change them. This one has more of a feel with love in it. Love is something that inspires me daily. I cannot live without love and neither can you.
Love, music, and friendship are daily reminders that although the world may seem cruel and cold; there is so much to fight for. I refuse to be stagnant any longer. I was placed here for a reason. I am meant for more than what I have settled for. I am going to work for it. I deserve to do what I want. I will no longer let others make me feel inferior or that I don’t deserve what I want. This is me making my claim today that changes are coming. Open yourself up and let them in.
I’ve always been interested in the supernatural and folklore. Here recently I’ve gotten on a kick of The Mortal Instruments series. First of all, Magnus Bane is a TRULY remarkable character and I love him! Reading through all these stories and doing research on these certain angels, demons, the Fey, vampires, and warlocks; it all comes to them being immortal. Again, this fascinates me and leads me to a question. Would you want to become immortal if given the chance?
A lot of people immediately rush and say yes or no. Everything comes at a cost, of course. I approached my friends with this subject and got a yes from one and a no from the other. I wanted to know their reasoning behind this. One said they were simply scared of death and the other couldn’t bear the thought of watching the world burn.
After their responses I thought of the beloved character, Magnus, who is immortal and has watched wars between countries and lost far too many people that he’s loved. How does he feel? He’s learned an immense amount of living and sorcery during his hundreds of years. He knows his lover is a mortal who will eventually grow old and he will be left with nothing but his memories. His magic is everything to him as well. It defines him as a person. He’s one of the most talented and respected Warlocks in all of the Downworld. I respect his wishes to live a mortal life with the love of his life, but I also respect that he would wish to keep his immortality.
This goes back to the fact that everything comes with a cost. If immortality came with a price of being a prestigious Warlock who could help heal the sick and make the world a better place; is it worth it? What if you were a vampire in turn for immortality? Could you give up the sun, the warmth of the rays tanning your skin and be so dedicated to an extremely strict diet? Could you control your thirst? Can these traits be taught with age? This is something that is completely up to each person. Everyone has a different personality and different ways they view the world. Yes, immortality comes at a cost; but to some the choice isn’t difficult.
When I think of it; the thought of immortality doesn’t scare me. If I could see the world from hundreds of years of experience; how much good could I do? Could I truly make a difference? Could I make this world a better place without having to watch it burn? We don’t always know the price that will be paid by choosing immortality.
Yes, yes, I know this is all completely hypothetical. Some people don’t believe in such things. Who knows what all is out there that we know nothing about? This is just a small question to pick your brain. Would you choose immortality?
Thanks for joining me!
I’m a complete newbie at this, but writing is something that makes me want to get up and live every day! There’s so much going on in the world and sometimes the only way for me to make sense of everything is to write it out and get these thoughts out of my body.
First of all, a small intro about me. Books have taught me more about anything in this world; especially the Harry Potter series. I can relate any situation to something within those magical pages. My friends are truly my family and I would do anything for them. I’m extremly lucky to have found the love of my life and get to share all of life’s experiences with her. My little cat, Sapphire, is one of my closest companions and she’s a great snuggler. I have a desire for comfort and travel. I sometimes underestimate my abilities, but I love being who I am.
Now to get out some of these thoughts and emotions I’m so wonderful at bottling up. The past week has been extremely trying for me. Work has been abnormally chaotic and my anxiety has gotten the best of me more than I’d like to admit. One of my closest friends had a parent to pass away and nothing could ever prepare you for that. For someone who loves to write; I found myself at a loss for words on this occassion. My grandmother fell and getting that phonecall spurred panic in me that I’d never felt before. Being around my family is always taxing since my life events at age 18 and I admit that I was proud of myself for holding my head high when entering her hospital room because I am her grandchild and I have every right to support her and be there for her when she’s hurting.
I’ve decided to take a breath and let go of the troubles. Anything negative that will be thrown at me; I will turn the problem or a part of it into something positive. This always helps my mindset and resetting it right now is exactly what I need.
We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are. — Sirius Black